Relaunch: Are We There Yet?

So now that Fae and I are in the midst of orchestrating our respective launch and relaunch, we thought it might be helpful to sit ourselves down and identify exactly what it will mean to us to each of us to arrive. A glimpse of what the destination is supposed to look like, so we can know we’re there once we’re there.

For me, a few things will need to have fallen into place before I can say I have been successfully relaunched. It’s about a fulfilling, rewarding, creative job. It’s about a paycheck I can be proud of. It’s about community. It’s about finding and maintaining a calm center so I can be a strong presence for children who are waxing and parents who are waning. (I was tempted to make a salon joke around the “waxing” thing, but I refrained. You’re welcome.)

This is how I envision my successfully relaunched self: I have a great part-time job; maybe something like writing and voice-over work in the media center of a college. There’s that whole office-life camaraderie, making jokes and talking about what was on the news last night. I miss co-workers, and I miss the structure of a job outside the home. Free-lancing is totally self-generated, and when I’m writing, I’m alone. I’m tired of being alone so much. If I can satisfy my need to be around people in a structured job, it seems it would be easier for me to focus on those creative endeavors that require solitude. Writing magazine articles and getting them published, for example. Finishing novel #2 and pitching it to agents. Setting up that home studio.

The “community” part of this equation may have something to do with a church, but it may not. I’ve belonged to churches that were our social center, and I’ve been at churches that fall short of providing any feeling of community at all. At the moment, we are between churches, and as a preacher’s daughter who has always been part of a church family, I feel the lack of that. But along with everything else in my life, I’m looking for something new, including a church that feeds and nurtures this new self, and I haven’t found it yet.

As for the calm center part, I could write a whole blog about that. I used to pray. I used to be able to close my eyes and breath deep and feel some sort of peaceful well inside from which to draw strength. Over the past several years, I feel like that well has gone dry. Trying to go inward has only made me anxious and restless. My Life Coach is teaching me meditation techniques. I’ve started a gratitude journal and am seeking one of those calming indoor fountains. Every day I try to quiet my mind by taking deep breaths, listening to soft music, and trying to be mindful. It’s not easy. My brain is always latching onto distractions that take me from that center. But I’m working on it.

There are many puzzle pieces in a life, and it helps to remind myself that some are already in place. For example, there is music in my life, both my band and the a cappella group. We have good friends. We feel settled in our home of two years, and are getting acquainted with our neighbors. And although my parents are failing in big and small ways, I am doing a fair job of being there for them. (Can one ever do enough?)

So, “are we there yet?” No, not yet. But we are on our way, for sure.

Callie

Launch: Are We There Yet?

So the point of this blog is supposed to be to chronicle my mom's and my launch into...well. For me I suppose it's a launch into adulthood, and for her it's a launch into some kind of newfound independence. But how do we know when we've gotten there? What has to happen before I can say "Okay, I did it"? I don't think there's going to be a moment where it just happens, but I think setting some goals...some achievable goals, is a good start.

To me being launched is going to involve being completely financially independent of my parents. Which I am not right now. I'm paying my own rent, buying my own groceries, and covering the cable and electric bills, but my parents are still generously covering my car insurance, my cellphone bill, and various other expenses that I can't quite cover on my own yet. So I guess that I'll consider myself officially launched when I'm able to pay for all that stuff on my own. The biggest goal, then, is to get a job that pays enough to cover all that stuff. I love my job at the bookstore, but that clearly isn't going to cut it forever. In fact I'm a little bit worried about my expenses for this month.

But there are other goals that I'd like to accomplish on the way. Smaller, less important things that don't really have a tangible reward at the end. For example, I'd like to get in shape and lose a little more weight. Over the last few years I've lost about 40lbs, but I have a little way to go before I'll really be comfortable in my own skin. Of course, that kind of a struggle is one of those things that I'll be worried about for the rest of my life, so I don't really want to hinge my launch on a goal like that. But I still want to set the goal so that I'm not putting it off until who knows when.

Other goals include getting involved in some kind of musical group (unfortunately, I didn't end up getting into that group I auditioned for a few weeks ago), creating a social network so that I don't spend as much time lying around at home like a lump (I'm working on this!), and getting out and finding myself a nice boy (I've never been in a serious relationship, although I've been trying to get out and date a little bit recently).

So clearly I've got a long way to go before I've officially launched, and even further before I have the kind of life that I want, but I think that just setting the goals and being where I am is a great starting point. I've moved out of my parents' house, I'm at least surviving so far (although again, my parents are still helping a lot), and I know what I want, even if I've been terrible about actually getting off my butt and getting things accomplished. It's pretty daunting to look at all the things I want to get done and how much work it's going to take to get them, but the last few years have been pretty tough, and I've discovered that I can handle a lot.

My biggest obstacle at this point is finding the motivation to get it all done. But once I figure that out, it'll be smooth sailing.

I hope.

~Fae

Relaunch: My Life/Career Coach (Part 1)

I can’t remember the first time I heard the term “Life Coach” (a quick Internet search suggests that Life Coaches have been around for the past twenty years, which sounds about right), but ever since that time, I’ve wished I had one.

Call me crazy, but I love the idea of having someone blowing a whistle in my face, telling me to get out there kid, and break a sweat and give your all and win, dammit, win (not that a Life Coach actually does this, of course). With the kind of work I do—freelance writing and voice-overs—it’s important to be self-motivated and self-structured. And I am definitely not these things, especially not lately, in this scattered funk of mine. Somehow over the years, I’ve had reasonable success in spite of my unorganized self, but how much more successful might I be with a Life Coach? This, I decided, is the perfect time to bring in some help. Someone to make me better than I am. Or at least, better than I’m able to be on my own.

And so, a few months ago, I was referred to someone I will call Coach. Coach is not a burly ex-football player in a sweatshirt with a beer gut who yells at me to get out there, suck it up, and win one for the Gipper. Coach is actually a very civilized, lovely woman about my age with a gentle demeanor, a soothing voice, and a warm, encouraging smile.

“What is it you need help trying to achieve?” she asked.

“Well.” I took a deep breath and consulted my list.

My goals include, but are not limited to: Learn the software to set up my own home voice-over studio (for which I’ve already bought all the equipment), hook into online voice-over services, continue to pitch my completed novel until I score an agent, finish writing my second novel and send it to my mentor for critiquing, generate more non-fiction articles for magazines and newspapers, find out how to market my writing on the Internet, finish editing my essays and short stories and send them out for potential publication, possibly get a part-time job outside the house, continue writing and marketing this blog with my daughter. (Those are just the professional goals, now here come some of the personal ones): Get to the gym at least three times a week, care for my new puppy, take guitar lessons and practice daily, promote my band so we can get more gigs, promote my a cappella group so we can get more gigs, find time to journal and meditate to feed my spiritual side, take a poetry class, get back into my art, possibly take a class in pastel drawing, care for my elderly parents, look into volunteer work...

When I glanced back up at Coach, she looked a little dazed. “Traditionally, I get two kinds of clients,” she told me. “Some people come to me not knowing what they want to do with their lives. And others come to me with tons of energy, too many things they want to do, and no idea where to start.”

Uh huh. Well, it’s pretty clear which category I fall under. And so, our work begins.

-Callie