Relaunch: Are We There Yet?

So now that Fae and I are in the midst of orchestrating our respective launch and relaunch, we thought it might be helpful to sit ourselves down and identify exactly what it will mean to us to each of us to arrive. A glimpse of what the destination is supposed to look like, so we can know we’re there once we’re there.

For me, a few things will need to have fallen into place before I can say I have been successfully relaunched. It’s about a fulfilling, rewarding, creative job. It’s about a paycheck I can be proud of. It’s about community. It’s about finding and maintaining a calm center so I can be a strong presence for children who are waxing and parents who are waning. (I was tempted to make a salon joke around the “waxing” thing, but I refrained. You’re welcome.)

This is how I envision my successfully relaunched self: I have a great part-time job; maybe something like writing and voice-over work in the media center of a college. There’s that whole office-life camaraderie, making jokes and talking about what was on the news last night. I miss co-workers, and I miss the structure of a job outside the home. Free-lancing is totally self-generated, and when I’m writing, I’m alone. I’m tired of being alone so much. If I can satisfy my need to be around people in a structured job, it seems it would be easier for me to focus on those creative endeavors that require solitude. Writing magazine articles and getting them published, for example. Finishing novel #2 and pitching it to agents. Setting up that home studio.

The “community” part of this equation may have something to do with a church, but it may not. I’ve belonged to churches that were our social center, and I’ve been at churches that fall short of providing any feeling of community at all. At the moment, we are between churches, and as a preacher’s daughter who has always been part of a church family, I feel the lack of that. But along with everything else in my life, I’m looking for something new, including a church that feeds and nurtures this new self, and I haven’t found it yet.

As for the calm center part, I could write a whole blog about that. I used to pray. I used to be able to close my eyes and breath deep and feel some sort of peaceful well inside from which to draw strength. Over the past several years, I feel like that well has gone dry. Trying to go inward has only made me anxious and restless. My Life Coach is teaching me meditation techniques. I’ve started a gratitude journal and am seeking one of those calming indoor fountains. Every day I try to quiet my mind by taking deep breaths, listening to soft music, and trying to be mindful. It’s not easy. My brain is always latching onto distractions that take me from that center. But I’m working on it.

There are many puzzle pieces in a life, and it helps to remind myself that some are already in place. For example, there is music in my life, both my band and the a cappella group. We have good friends. We feel settled in our home of two years, and are getting acquainted with our neighbors. And although my parents are failing in big and small ways, I am doing a fair job of being there for them. (Can one ever do enough?)

So, “are we there yet?” No, not yet. But we are on our way, for sure.

Callie